2014: Foreshadowing My Journey

 

In March of 2014, in my blog The Word and the Real World, I posted a reflection on the Biblical Book of Samuel, which took me one step closer to seeing The Boulder right in front of me. Here is the scripture verse that I cited:

Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for the Lord does not see as mortals see; they look on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.
And here were my comments, six years before the Anderson case went public:I've been around for 54 years, and we still don't get it.

Sunday School teachers, pastors, teachers, civic leaders, elected officials, parents, friends, family . . . 

Oh, we've commented on it. We nod our heads in approval. We point it out. We understand that when this aspect of the King David story is referenced (that he was not as impressive as any of his brothers, yet he is the one God chose to be king), that it is a very important truth. We like it, or pretend to.

But then we'll go look at our young people and select the brightest, most handsome, most athletic, most popular, as the future pastors. And in the US today, it's particularly pronounced: our Presidents and other elected officials are elected based on how well they play on camera. Do they look "cool"? That's about all that counts.

I have engaged down a path in life . . . one that is decidedly, deliberately, not towards wealth or fame. Call it weird. When I was in high school and college I decided that I was not going to have friends, or girlfriends, or wives, based on how much money I had. I would find my friends first, then go get the money.

I measured my success on my own terms. If you turn away from money, you should then turn towards God. I did the former, but not the latter. And yet, I found myself stuck in a money-making career, that felt wrong for me. I got some wealth, and found that suddenly women were in fact more interested in me. I took it a step further and began acting more like the young men that I observed, that had the least trouble finding attractive women (use your imagination). It worked. I embraced what the world values, and the world rewarded me.

But the eternal side suffered. The godly part, the compassionate, the holy, the happy and contented part, withered away. I wound up with almost nothing, on almost every front. And today I am still in a sort of wilderness of waiting for things to open back up, or for me finally to just say "yes" to the Lord and let His wealth, His prestige, inform me.

I have been active in church for 15 years, with quite a high profile in the music ministry. I have an MBA and an MA with teacher certification, as well as years of experience as a local elected official, I wondered why I never got asked to serve on any committees in the church. Finally, one day, a pastor told me.

He noted that I had no outward evidence of being successful at anything (meaning, I did not appear monetarily rich). This floored me. My circumstances are decidedly humble. The ways in which I privately use the funds I do have, are not available for public consumption. But that did not matter. A "man of the cloth" told me I needed money if I was to be taken more seriously in the Church.

So we have a long way to go. 

Say something nice and encouraging today, to someone whose situation is not as good as yours; to someone that is not as good-looking as you, or as popular. For in God's eyes, they are at least as valuable as you. 

(Back to 2024). I remember that, at about that time, I was becoming more open and vocal about things in my life that didn't seem right. But today it all makes sense. There were reasons why things kept happening to me. Why I had difficulties in friendships and relationships. Why my distrust of authority became a limiting factor in my career. Why I reacted so frequently, according to fight or flight, to ordinary circumstances.  In 2014, I was still very much the victim. 

Here is the link to the original posting. 

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