The Boulder

This entry was originally published in April, 2021.  The ethic of my youth, to respect elders, almost unconditionally, was rapidly ushered aside in the 1990s, gaining momentum as the older Boomers started retiring. My assumption had always been that I would advance into the middle years, comfortably, easily, and that my experience + emphasis on ethics and creativity, would carry me along. It is what I had always been told. By 1997, this dynamic in the workplace had all but vanished.  The trajectory of my life (and probably most people my age) has paralleled developments in society at large. As I moved into the later middle years of my career, I had always expected to advance into positions where I could valued for my experience and creativity. I always thought an emphasis on ethics (which I had focused on in the 80s and 90s) would mean influence for me, in any good organization. You pay your dues early on. You respect your elders. And you hope that one day you will be able to ...

  whistleblower :  one who reveals something covert or who informs against another,  especially :  an employee who brings wrongdoing by an employer or by other employees to the attention of a government or law enforcement agency.  NOTE:   A whistleblower is commonly protected legally from retaliation. (From  https://www.merriam-webster.com) But in my experience, a whistleblower is one who . . .  Is not believed Would rather not "get involved" Asks for advice from friends and family he trusts, and is told to drop it and move on Is told by experts that could help her, that she is doing the right thing, but then become scarce when the time comes to help Is told by people in the know, that the wrongdoing he saw happening, and is reporting, actually happened In desperation, goes to advocacy groups like the ACLU and NAACP, but is told there is nothing they can do to help her Is offered money to sign non-disclosure agreements Is blacklisted Loses friends...

2023 Reflection. This post was originally published on March 20, 2021. I do not remember the two dreams, so I am very thankful that I thought to journal them during the next day or so. Two years have passed, and I am able to comment, from a distance.  The life of my dreams - operating a local music studio basically inspired and founded by my daughters - was about to come unglued. By early 2021, the daughter that started the business with me would be completely separated from it, and I would be left to run it on my own. In ten years of running a non-profit, my board members had mostly been of little value to it. One board member, in particular, was a great support, especially financially. But a performing arts business needs people in the audience. A non-profit needs people that will do more than just donate funds. I never had a board member, of some twenty total, that showed up to anything, let alone help promote our events. There was one exception - Warren McArthur. Perhaps I will...

2023 Reflection: I did a good little bit of editing on this particular entry, first published in February, 2021. I believe that my own personal life has paralleled the course of the world. My experience has prefigured, so some degree, what was to happen to society as a whole. In the 1990s, as I experienced the civil rights situation at Nortel, and attempted an awkward win-win response to it, I began to feel closed in, cut off, manipulated, marginalized.  I believe that millions of others had the same thoughts as I. Uncountable throngs of the population have felt as though their freedom, their humanity, was being stripped away slowly, almost imperceptibly. As normal humans, we all defaulted to the classic "Just ignore it. It will go away." Except this time it didn't go away. My experience with the U of M Regents, and then with Nortel, prefigured a generalized problem in society, where good people making good decisions, would be at best ignored, at worst mocked and marginal...

2023 Update: My entry into politics was intended to be the practical application of my vision. I absolutely believed that people need to be treated with dignity at the individual level. Regardless of viewpoint or background, we all need to be treated as if we matter. But, since 2020, we have seen, at the national level, entire focused campaigns waged from the top down, using major institutions to restrict people from asking legitimate questions and pointing out corruption in high places.  It's interesting how such laudable goals as giving everybody individual person a seat at the table is treated with such contempt. But that's how I was treated when reporting Anderson's irregularities (by the University of Michigan Regents and bureaucracy). That's how all of Nortel treated me (including the people I most trusted). That's how Michigan States University's Nassar whistleblowers were treated until it became politically incorrect to ignore them. But in different cont...

This post was first published on November 25, 2020.  2023 Intro : Since first posting this entry, I have continued to expand my understanding of myself, and the world. Here I write about getting myself cut off at the knees, by first two teacher colleagues that I had come to respect and trust; and then via a helpful point by a member of the University of Michigan School of Education faculty. It was particularly devastating, because the comments all came from teachers . . . you know, the people that are supposed to build us up and prepare us to become productive citizens.  But that's the story of the Boulder for me. These teachers were the boulder for me then. Why did I want to "change the world"? You see, actually, these other teachers were right. I was trying to change the world. But isn't that why most of them became teachers? To change the world? How is it that they made it into a derogation, at least in my case?  This is the Boulder in the years surrounding 2005. A...

  2023 Reflection: My process of dealing with the trauma of being a diminished whistle-blower at the U of M, included (as I have noted) a sort of groping along in my career. I did a lot of bouncing around. Between 1985 and 1988, despite all of my efforts, all I could manage were three or more jobs in sales. I did all the workshops, read all the books. I studied very hard, to become a marketable professional in the corporate world. But for whatever reason, everybody seemed to think I would be good in Sales. But I didn't want to be good in Sales. In hindsight, I had become very good at job interviews (as long as it was a Sales job. If there were openings requiring fish to work where there is no water, I would be the top prospect). While I was in the middle of it, I kept a positive demeanor. I seemed to love situations where I could not, or would not, perform well. When I look back, from the purview of a recovering Anderson survivor, it all makes a lot more sense. Deep, deep down, I d...