The Boulder

I am in the middle of a major life change now, while already in the middle of recovering from a trauma I never realized had victimized me, decades ago. This recovery period is now into its fifth year. But now, as of the past two weeks . . . and months, even . . . the first major life event has occurred, since the beginning of the recovery process in 2020. I can respond differently than I ever have before.  My mother died.  May 25th, 1:30am. In her room. In her home. With all four kids, two children-in-law, and two grandkids present. She fought bitterly against the vast sweep of hospice care, and heroically. But finally breathed her last, and fell asleep.  I have been her primary caregiver for the past five years, at least. It was then that she began to lose her grip on her cognitive and physical abilities.  As her decline progressed, we all failed to note the milestones. We could see changes, but just attributed it to her having a bad day. "We'll improve her diet. We...

I dislike, and disapprove of, most efforts made by people, to draw attention to themselves or garner sympathy.  Like the basic tenet of writing, taught as early as elementary school: we must learn to show . . . don't tell. When you tell, you're communicating without imagery. You're providing information, without evidence. Mere telling is a skeleton of meaningful communication. More often than not, its major outcome is to draw attention to the teller.  I'm a really good story-teller! (When they're not).* So, I'm about to share something that sounds an awful lot like feeling sorry for myself. It will be hard not to portray myself as a victim here.  But isn't that all just another way to motivate people not to come forward when then they have experienced, or observed something unethical or criminal in the workplace? Isn't it always more prudent to just let things roll off our backs and move on? When I first began posting about my experience with the Ande...

In the Robert Anderson case, at the University of Michigan, a settlement was reached between the Survivors, and the Regents of the University of Michigan; in early 2022. It took two years of negotiations to get to this point. It took at least forty years, for the Regents of the University of Michigan to care. Each of the victims will receive compensation, of some amount. I am not counting on any particular total. I just want institutions to start listening to whistle-blowers, and stop treating them as idiots. I want all people to do the same. But whatever my total ends up being, I'm thinking of it as back-pay. Since 1985, when my career began, I have thought of my progress (or lack thereof) as too much recklessness, combined with two much hesitation. I have teetered, too much, between being the consummate team player and being the lone wolf calling out management misbehavior. I rarely found the balance. After I had my fill of fifteen years of job-hopping, I settled into a career ch...

For decades, I struggled with a boulder that was getting in the way of my forward movement in life.  I never knew it was there. I thought that the problems that I kept facing were normal. I thought that my stagnant career and relationships were my fault. I would just have to get better. Try harder. Get more focused. Be more polite. Communicate better. Be more of a "servant leader." Over time, my efforts to get beyond the boulder (where I just knew my expansive and altruistic vision was waiting for me) only made it larger.  Since I didn't know there was a boulder, I never even thought to go around it. But it would have been no use. It would only grow, or move, to block my alternate paths, (career change? new friends? new relationships? new hobbies? new time management system?) My friends and family couldn't see the boulder, either. They wondered, maybe mockingly, why I didn't just walk around the boulder, or over it? I looked foolish. I was always supported by a fe...

 There are hundreds . . . thousands . . . of victims of the University of Michigan's Robert Anderson.  The heart of problem is not in the crime, as bad as it is. The heart is in the cover-up, and the long-term effects of experiencing such trauma. I've heard the stories from dozens of other survivors. I've spoken to them. There are numerous parallels and commonalities among them all, and me. But there are distinctions from one person to the next; from one period of life to the next. The effects of the trauma weave through one's life. A person's weaknesses are empowered and exposed.  Their strengths are reworked into blunt instruments that make forward motion nearly impossible.  In many ways, your development as a person, an adult, get frozen at the point where the traumatic incident occurred.  You get reckless. You seek a safe path. You go through repeating patterns in relationships, that fail every time.  You step into situations where the empowered weaknes...

I'm dealing with dynamics that I don't understand. The evil that I have faced requires that I do what I can, to end it. But ending it means that I must talk about it. And talking about it means I must talk about myself. And it requires me to put out, onto the public square, topics that are unsuitable for public consumption. By necessity, I may have to hold a mirror up to some people, that have spoken devastatingly hurtful things, that have acted most destructively against others, without knowing it. Indeed many good people are capable of saying the exact wrong thing, to a person that's hurting and needs simple affirmation more than anything else. But how do we grow in love without shining a light, clearly, on well-intended actions that result in the opposite of love? The crime committed against me and others was, in most cases, very long ago. It involves unspeakable acts that can be committed, while leaving virtually no trace in the realm of evidence. It's all hearsay. ...